7.10

ballout old vegas (remastered post of the year edition)

my friend/business partner/former minecraft archnemesis invited me to go to some kind of quasi-family reunion in vegas, he never fails to deliver with these sorts of travel ideas. i've never been to vegas despite multiple attempts, it is obviously an essential destination for an anthropologist of hyperreality, but going there may also be a mistake for me, possibly some divine force has been trying to keep me away from there, last year i planned to crash in a friend's room while he was at evo but then the global crowdstrike computer outage happened and my flight got cancelled at the last minute. luckily i wasn't out any money because i'd booked nothing and they refunded my flight, then i got an additional $200 reimbursement direct deposited to my bank using the sketchiest service ever, so i pretty much got paid not to go to vegas. unfortunately, the feeling that it may be forbidden to me makes it all the more alluring...

12:40
made it to the airport, absolute disaster area, the longest security line i've ever seen. what is going on? it is a random wednesday afternoon.
1:15
slightly stressed about making the flight even though it got delayed a bit. excited to go through TSA for the first time without taking off shoes, but then of course the damn scanner goes off on my crotch so the tsa guy gropes me and has me take off my shoes to put them through the scanner as usual.
1:20
stroll confidently through the crowded terminal right up to the gate where there is no line at all, they are calling "Group F - for Final Call", show them my ticket marked "GRP - PRIORITY", then walk onto the plane and sit down in seat 4C. that's right, i'm in first class, i got upgraded even though i'm lowest elite tier because nobody bothers to pay for first class on such a short flight.
1:50
i try to read a book but im too caffeinated to focus and get through 1 page before giving up
2:10
the flight is so short that they do not do a full drink service unless you're in first class, i try the new canned espresso martini cocktail they have (20% abv) since it is still early in the day. a bit peeved they did not bring the snack basket around though, i was counting on that for food.
2:15
i pull out my laptop and begin harnessing the caffeine+alcohol buzz to do some peak writing. i get through 2 sentences before the captain comes on "we have now reached our cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, in 1 minute we will begin our descent into seattle, we should be landing in 25 minutes". shortly after, the flight attendant tells me to stow my laptop. why is everyone always trying to prevent me from writing my magnum opus?! i have to chug the remainder of my drink before they confiscate it for landing
2:35
bored while we descend, i decide to start writing this liveblog in the notes app on my phone, and write all of the above while we descend and land
2:55
in front of the garbage cans at seatac they have an ai camera thing you show your trash to and it tells you what bin to put it in. i've genuinely needed this all my life because i always get anxious over the decision and toss a lot of stuff in "landfill" just to be safe
3:10
found an ancient chick fil a sauce in the tiny pocket on my backpack strap while standing in the jetway. this could have exploded at any time in the past year and made a mess. i left it in there
3:50
rebooked my return flight on the tarmac, things have changed and now i'm staying in las vegas an extra 2 days and technically it's not a return flight anymore. i've never changed flights before as much as i have this month but people keep changing plans on me and im booking reward flights which are flexible with changes and cancellations
4:00
boomer on the row ahead of me is unironically watching a movie on a tablet while playing subway surfers on his phone, his broccoli-haired zoomer son sitting next to him stares at the display transfixed, "it's just like my tiktoks!". on god the broccoli zoomer perm stereotype is accurate fr, there was another one sitting in my row.
4:45
jealous of the Alaska Gold 100k sitting across the aisle who's getting a bunch of free shit for his status, like a chocolate and a snack box. i snuck a peak at the flight attendant's phone as they passed by the aisle doing the drink service, in their app they have a seatmap that indicates where high-status elite members are sitting, and it even tells you if people are travelling together
5:00
wine & writing
6:00
wow, terminal 3 at LAS is nice and spacious
6:15
it is hotter than the surface of the sun outside
6:20
even though the strip is pretty much adjacent to the airport (though on the opposite side from the terminal), the only way to get there is a taxi or uber. typical.
6:35
pass by the sphere in the uber, they put it in an area with no other tall buildings so you can really appreciate its majestic sphericality
7:00
our hotel is a bit shabby, looks like it's straight from fallout
7:25
upgraded to a corner room on the 23rd floor, great view of caesar's palace and the bellagio. the problem with staying in a hotel with a stylish building is that you can't actually see the building staying in the hotel. somehow we're also at the perfect angle to see my f/bp/fma's mom waving from her hotel room balcony like half a mile away
8:00
we meet up with the rest of my f/bp/fma's family and i learn that the real reason they're here is because it's his sister's birthday. in their room i make a tito's vodka and pineapple juice drink which big wayne then comes up behind me and tops up with vodka to overflowing, he is already wasted. he's glad to see me again
8:15
wayne is very concerned about the structural stability of a tilted skyscraper in the distance
8:30
walked a mile in 106 heat to eat dinner at the damn bfp restaurant
8:45
as soon as we sit down wayne pulls out his phone and says "ok let me show you guys some conspiracy videos". everybody grimaced (it's his favorite topic) but then he laughed and said "just kidding". at least he's self-aware
9:00
i remind everyone i've only eat 4 eggs and 1 bag of pretzels today, but also clarify that i'm not even that hungry and don't care the food is taking forever
9:30
they're serving naan with a spicy marinara dipping sauce wtf
10:00
shots for the table of something called screamin demon wayne swears is the gnarliest shit. it is supposed to be made with bacardi 151 (75.5% abv) which has been discontinued (perhaps for safety reasons) so they made it with some lame normal bacardi and it goes down easy
10:15
leaving big wayne with the 500 dollar bill and dipping. for the record he did say earlier he was paying and also he's my f/bp/fma's dad so he can afford it
10:30
WOW they have ABC stores here just like they have all over waikiki in hawaii, extremely reasonable prices too, two canned cocktails for $6
10:45
good view of the fountain show at the bellagio from hotel room window. when i went to see the old faithful geyser at yellowstone several years ago, a boomer lady behind me commented "not as good as the one at the bellagio"
10:50
wow we're also right across from gordon ramsey hell's kitchen restaurant. every restaurant in vegas seems attached to some celebrity chef, gordon ramsey alone has:
  • gordon ramsey's hell's kitchen
  • gordon ramsey's kitchen
  • gordon ramsey burger (advertised on my hotel keycard)
  • gordon ramsey steak
  • gordon ramsey fish and chips
  • gordon ramsey pub and grill
10:53
11:30
as usual my f/bp/fma wants to go to some fucking club. for some reason entry is ticketed even though it's a wednesday night. no one was in line to enter and they made us go through a gauntlet receiving three successive wrist stamps to get in.
11:35
within five minutes we've already managed to chat with three people, all dudes of course
11:50
they got a whole ass bathroom attendant here. i think he even sells zyns
12:10
tearing it up on the dance floor, multiple dudes fist bumping me and saying sick energy, but girls dgaf
12:30
aura farming with the gater shirt. telling people i'm a gater wrangler from key west
1:00
wait i actually talked to the cute girl i've been scoping out for the past 30 min, she has two circular hair things like akari. the dance moves sort of worked?
1:05
over the club noise she tells me she's from alaska. to show her i'm a fellow traveller i pull out my alaska airlines visa card
1:08
bum 1/10 of a cigarette off her outside where we can actually talk
1:15
NVM SHE'S CRAZY, refused to talk about anything except for flying saucers (example: -"how's alaska? i've always wanted to go" -"well, the UFO activity is crazy..."), but when i try to talk to her about flying saucers, she says she can't talk about them because it's too secret or too terrifying
1:17
EJECT
1:25
gloating to my f/bp/fma about how i talked to more girls in the club than him (1)
1:40
everybody on the street at this time is a strip club promoter
1:50
at cvs. everything locked up and expensive. makeup and alcohol each have separate sections of the store with their own registers. a coke is $3.50, abc stores would NEVER
2:00
elevator dinging for all 22 floors
2:40
posting unedited version of this to my site straight from notes app
6:00
dreamed about a girl from my friend group back home that i develop a crush on, ask out, and have a great date with. when i wake up i think, "damn, wouldn't it be nice if that happened in real life, maybe i should ask her out". i struggle remembering her name and realize that there is actually no such girl in our friend group, she only existed in the dream. feeling a profound sense of loss about my dream girl
6:30
fairly sober now, regret posting the garbled unedited version of this earlier, delete it, go back to sleep
10:30
dream that i accidentally accept a bracelet from one of those weird religious robes guys on the street, which gives them permission to beat the shit out of me. guess it's part of their religion, must be careful in the future. i always wondered what happened to those foolish enough to accept one.
11:00
friend is on the toilet but has a tiktok he needs to show me so desperately he hands me his phone out the bathroom door. it's a tiktok of "aura farming indonesian boat race kid", it's probably real but the weird filters and editing make it look like AI. "this is the biggest thing on the internet right now" he says
11:30
we decide to go down to the pool, you have to go early because they all close around 6 or 7. i'm told this is because they want everyone inside the casinos in the evening.
11:35
there is a security checkpoint at the "adults only" pool entrance to make sure nobody is bringing in any drinks
11:45
the pool is absolutely packed, and it is impossible to find an unclaimed lounge chair. i notice that every lounge chair under any sort of shade is only available as an additional rental. drinks at the bar start at $20.
11:50
searching for an empty chair, we get invited to a private cabana for some lady's 40th birthday party, but decline because it's not really our scene
11:55
we finally score a pair of lounge chairs from some boomers on their way out, then get in the pool (surprisingly cold) and stand around awkwardly for a while
12:10
some people are standing in a circle playing a game where they toss around a plastic cup with water and try to catch it in another cup they're holding
12:15
i notice we're the only ones in the pool not holding a drink. also, i'm one of the only people not wearing sunglasses, if only my brother hadn't broken them when he tried to "arrest" me during that party
12:30
some inflatable beach balls are now in play. i accidentally launch one out of reach onto the roof of the swim-up bar
1:00
we spend a full hour standing in a circle with a bunch of people hitting the beach ball around. my organs are taking serious damage from various waves, there's the sun but also a DJ playing extremely loud club remixes of popular songs from the past 40 years.
1:30
i get out of the pool for a bit but my friend remains in, he has a surprising amount of stamina for standing around hitting the ball around, i think because this girl with bodacious bazongas has taken up a position next to him
1:45
i get back in, the temperature of the pool has increased noticeable. my friend has managed to make contact with the girl, the score for the trip is now even between us.
1:50
he gets out of the pool and comes back with his phone, a risky ploy to try and get some contact info from the girl
2:00
contact info secure, he says we can leave now. i ask him how it went with her, he said she is an esports influencer with 500k tiktok followers, but in the pool he didn't manage to score anything besides her tiktok username. her video thumbnails are surprisingly chaste
2:05
there is a flamingo exhibit by the pool, they are all huddled in one corner beneath a mister so that they don't spontaneously combust in the heat
2:10
back in the room, i put my phone in the minifridge for a bit because it has overheated
2:25
we walk to an in-n-out burger in a nearby open-air pedestrian mall, i have never seen in in-n-out location that you could not drive up to before.
3:00
almost crashed the world series of poker
3:30
we spend what seems like at least an hour looking around various casino floors for my friend's preferred slot machine, wheel of fortune high roller. he borrows a hundred bucks from me and loses it all.
4:00
tried to get into the pool at the cosmo, but they actually check for room keys, so we go hunting for my friend's sister to borrow her key card. once we get it, she tells us we can go up to her room and drink her blue raspberry vodka, which we do. it is absolutely disgusting
4:30
we make it into the pool at the cosmo, which is pretty laid back
5:00
i almost fall asleep on a white plastic lounger half submerged in the pool
5:15
like at every resort pool, they sell a bunch of overpriced drinks. my friend orders a frozen cocktail that comes out to $27, and then doesn't even finish it, leaving a third of it for me.
5:30
abc store pit stop
5:45
while my friend is browsing at abercrombie, i desperately need to piss so i run down the street to olive garden and use their bathroom. when i return, i barely recognize him because he is wearing a brand new white shirt he just bought
6:15
while walking back to our hotel, i look out onto las vegas boulevard and notice all the billboard trucks, many too narrow to actually hold much cargo, they must be exclusively for advertising. what a weird job that must be, endlessly driving a billboard up and down las vegas boulevard.
7:00
tonight's dining location is determined to be cheesecake factory, it seems oddly appropriate so i do not dissent.
7:15
cheesecake factory is in the caesar's forum shops, where i spot an extremely rare CURVED escalator installation. they are manufactured only by one company, mitsubishi, and i previously made a pilgrammage to ride one located in the yokohama landmark tower.
7:30
watched some pretty lame "atlantis show" at a fountain inside the mall, one of the animatronics was broken and just had her mouth open in an "o" shape while "speaking", it was slightly amusing. apparently there used to be pyrotechnics or something but not anymore due to safety concerns.
8:30
i get the crusted chicken romano, it's $25 but i'm not even mad because the portion size is HUGE. taste-wise, it is PEAK mid.
9:00
way too stuffed to get any of the namesake cheesecake for desert. has anyone ever done a cheesecake factory mukbang?
10:00
my friend wants to go to the fucking club again, this time it's one at the mgm grand which is of course at the opposite end of the strip. at least the temperatures outside are bearable at this hour.
11:00
we had free entry tickets to the club but turns out there's a dress code. they'll still let you in if you pay a $45 cover, my friend ponied up but i said fuck that and left.
11:30
walked over into the new york new york casino across the street. they have a pump it up cab in their arcade.
12:00
crossed the bridge into excalibur and then luxor. the casinos are all starting to blend together.
12:30
it's hilarious how it rains so little in vegas that they just install some escalators outdoors with no covering whatsoever.
1:00
at some point i've developed a pain in my left knee and start limping along. las vegas is killing me
1:30
my friend exits the club without much to say about it. we head back to the hotel and go to sleep.
11:00
we check out of the hotel, leave our bags with the hotel bag check, and wander around for a bit looking for someplace to get breakfast.
11:30
we go into a diner-type place that advertises their famous "brick eggs benedict", i'm a fiend for eggs benedict
12:00
it looks impressive but as i expected, it is mid as hell. it tastes like they're using the cheapest sugary great value brand bacon on it. i feel like i could make it way better at home if i could just figure out the bread.
12:15
guy sitting next to us at the diner bar is pouring A1 sauce into his bloody mary
12:20
decide to wander around the strip some more, we head towards the venetian. no need to visit any other tourist destinations, las vegas is all of them in one: venice (the venetian), new york city (new york new york), paris (paris las vegas), lake como (bellagio)... ancient rome (caesar's palace). there are still a few things missing, though... if i was a casino developer i would make a japan-themed casino: pachinko, mahjong, arcade with a full slate of rhythm games, idol shows (perhaps a striptease to make it truly vegas-style), karaoke booths, onsen baths, maid cafe, MUJI can be one of the retailers in the attached mall...
12:30
the rialto bridge at the venetian is an upgrade over the original because it has an incredible ARCHED moving walkway through its entire span. slightly amused by the "viva las venice" sign
12:40
my friend is walking annoyingly fast as if he's in a hurry to get somewhere, leaving no time to take in the lavish surroundings. i'm having difficulty keeping up because i have a slight limp, my left knee still hurts from the night before
12:45
we cross over into the wynn, one of the most luxurious resorts on the strip. the attention to detail in the interior reminds me of disneyland. to my disbelief, we discover a SECOND pair of curved escalators inside the wynn.
1:00
we cross las vegas boulevard to enter a building shaded by a huge oval disc, turns out it's just the front entrance to a mall, the first one without a casino attached. we get coffee at nordstrom's.
2:00
on our way back, we decide to go to the sphere. getting there is surprisingly confusing despite the fact that it's supposed to be THE hottest attraction in town right now. we eventually reach it but definitely not along the intended path, we take a bunch of scorching back alley sidewalks. the sphere is really something, during the day the sunlight makes the screens a bit hard to see, which makes it look like a giant slightly fuzzy/staticy black sphere. it's like something out of dedede
2:30
we uber to the hotel i booked for myself for the weekend, for the extra couple days i'm staying. during the weekend hotel prices on the main strip go up as much as 10x even at the cheap places, but i've managed to find reasonable rates at this casino called "the strat". the reason it's so cheap is because it's the furthest north big casino resort along las vegas boulevard and isolated from all the others, technically not considered to be on the strip. also, it's in a bad neighborhood and a bit rundown, however it does have the tallest observation tower in the US, the tower that inspired the lucky 38 in fallout new vegas.
3:00
the good thing about the strat is that they do not have a huge check-in line, for some reason many of the hotels on the strip would acquire huge lines at check-in, lobbies would have long check-in counters with space for up to 20 clerks, but there would never be more than two or three employees working the counters at a time. the check-in lady spends like five minutes giving me a spiel trying to sell me an upgrade to their newly-renovated tower, which i politely listen to in its entirety before declinings
3:15
we arrive at the floor my room is on and are immediately greeted by the overpowering odor of industrial air freshener, it reminds me of when they were trying to cover up the stench of the poop deck on the cruise. now that i think about it, most of the casinos remind me of the cruise ship
3:30
we check out the pool, it's honestly a little better than the one at where we stayed on the strip, they have shade over parts of the pool and even a volleyball net.
4:30
my friend gets an uber to the airport and we say our goodbyes down at the curb. now i'm going solo.
5:00
went back to my room and did some writing
7:00
there's only one place i could be going alone in the evening like this: the arcade. for the rhythm game enthusiast, las vegas has very robust offerings, there's quite a few options, multiple round 1 locations and several indie arcades with a good selection of rarer games. people i know have gone to this one called "game nest" before which is decently close to the strip, but i opt for "red note" instead because they have pop'n music. it's significantly further out from the strip though not awful if you're coming from the strat, it's basically a straight shot down a big boulevard plied by an express bus.
7:40

unbelievable sign to see by the side of the road
7:45
i arrive just in time for the evening discount, all according to plan
7:50
pop'n music... wow i'm out of practice and have no arm stamina, can barely do more than a credit or two in a row
8:15
stepmaniax, i would play this more because the song selection is very different from other dance games, tons of eurodance and stuff, but it's hard to find cabs that aren't outrageously overpriced
9:00
after playing 10 songs in a row on stepmaniax, i go over to pump it up and decide to play one credit of crazy nobar kpop to show off. it works, another pump player gets summoned out of the aether and starts admiring, and we start chatting.
9:30
i shouldn't be doing this but i play another credit of pump, dropping a casual clear of canon d full d23 that has the crowd (the guy from before and his friend) going nuts. i bask in the glory and refrain from telling them that it's nothing, that's the easiest d23 by far and that's why i played it.
9:45
pop'n break, but so gassed from pump that i don't want to move my hands
10:00
trying some itg, my legs have significantly more stamina than my arms, spend forever scrolling through the tracklist because i forget how to use the search function
10:30
done with dance games, go back and wrap up with sdvx (they have a valkyrie model cab, first i've ever seen outside of round 1) and more pop'n
11:50
leave a little early (10 min) to make sure i get back to the bus stop in time, then it turns out it takes me half the time i expected to walk to it and of course the bus is late too
12:45
i legitimately have not eaten all day, all i had was that brick eggs benedict and nordstroms coffee, and now i've just done like 2 hours of dance game cardio. luckily, there is a 24hr mcdonald's located inside the strat. i feel a little gross after scurrying up to my room with my takeout bag and gorging myself before passing out
11:30
time to go out and explore vegas on my own finally. i head out on foot towards the strip.
11:40
have to say they nailed the color and texture of the asphalt of las vegas boulevard in fallout new vegas
11:45
from the north, the first strip casino on the western side of las vegas boulevard is circus circus, infamously the cheapest and most rundown casino on the strip. this is because it is one of the oldest, over fifty years old, and hasn't had a major renovation or expansion in thirty years, not to mention the theme couldn't be less classy.
12:00
compared to other strip casinos, the circus circus casino floor is significantly more cramped, plus the carpet is thin and lumpy. most of the other casinos have thick luxurious carpet, you practically sink into them like memory foam. however, they have all the exact same slot machines as the other casinos
12:15
circus circus definitely seems to be the most family-friendly of all the casinos, there are tons of families and kids running around everywhere. they have an indoor theme park, some sort of spongebob ride, and an extensive arcade above the casino floor. inside the casino, i find ancient dance dance revolution supernova and in the groove 2 cabs, both of which have probably been there for 20 years. in front of the coin pushers in the arcade, they have the same thick casino chairs used for slot machines.
12:45
in a small outbuilding adjacent to the street, circus circus operates the "slots-a-fun" vintage slot hall. the slot machines there still run off of quarters or $1 tokens, which during a payout pound one at a time into the metal trays, CLING-CLING-CLING-CLING!. it takes a while for big wins to pay out fully but the sound is oddly satisfying, vintage slot asmr.
1:00
in my last blog post i said that perhaps expecting $2 draft beers at bars was a bit unrealistic, well turns out that there is at least one other place in america besides the french quarter's chart room dive bar that serves $2 draft miller high life, the bar at slots-a-fun. even though it's just after noon i get one to celebrate the discovery, and give out one of my largest ever tips percentage-wise (50%)
1:15
the next casino is "resorts world". they have a baby sphere inside their mall
1:30
across the street, the next casino on the strip is the fontainebleau, one of the newest resorts on the strip, though it did spend many years in development hell due to the 2008 financial crisis. the theme is generic luxury resort, nothing really to write home about.
2:00
back to the wynn. a security guy with a dog, "wynn k9 unit", passes by. kinda funny that vegas' leading casino resort developer is a guy named "win"
2:30
back to the venetian. i am starting to get sick of this, every megacasino on the strip is the same shit, here's a starter pack:
  • casino floor with all the same slot machines everywhere else has
  • a sumptuous mall with a bunch of luxury stores, i swear there's gotta be a louis vuitton at every single casino on the strip, it's like starbucks
  • foodcourt with some fast food open late
  • this chain stand called "fat tuesday" selling frozen alcoholic beverages in long novelty cups. i saw some in new orleans, where going based off the name it presumably originated, but the number of locations they have in las vegas is truly something else
  • obligatory buffet
  • some high-end restaurant options like seafood, steakhouse, or something associated with a celebrity chef
  • nightclub that frequently daylights as a restaurant
  • a secret hidden speakeasy advertised everywhere that people are always talking about
  • the pool that closes at 6 pm
  • hotel lobby check-in that somehow always has a huge line
  • convenience store selling overpriced everything
  • some kind of theatre show, popular options include illusionists, revue, or something like blue man group
  • bonus attraction like a fountain show, volcano, or roller coaster
  • random objets d'art
sleaze is dead on the las vegas strip, it is all luxury resorts now. i am the Only Living Gonzo in Las Vegas the paradise nevada CDP
2:45
there is a hilarious "art gallery" that only sells the most over-the-top tasteless pieces that are only sought after by crypto guys and their equivalents, basically real-life nfts. inside, they have a new "collection" that is clearly AI generated, based off of horrifying animal puns.
3:00
i'm finally hungry so i go to the venetian food court, where for some reason amidst the usual offerings they have a filipino restaurant crammed into a shoebox unit. i decide to go for it, my reasoning being (in addition to being a notorious filipino food enthusiast) that filipino food is so niche that why would anyone bother to open a shitty filipino restaurant in such a high traffic mall. i'm right on the money, my tri tip steak tapa is quite good.
3:30
bored of the strip, so i hop on the double-decker "deuce" buses that run on las vegas boulevard and head towards downtown las vegas, home of the "fremont street experience"
3:50
the "fremont street experience" is a pedestrian mall on a gigantic scale, roofing in a former street with a giant curved roof that does a light show, it's like a gigantic flashy version of a shotengai. fremont street connects a series of 5-6 casinos with a vintage feel, including the "golden nugget" casino that served as the model for the silver rush in fallout new vegas' in-game fremont street. it is immediately obvious to me that it is basically a smaller, trashier version of the main strip
4:00
along fremont there are a bunch of designated containment circles for street performers marked in white on the ground. in one of them was somebody wearing a sort of EGL outfit and bunny head kigurumi, an unexpected but welcome choice.
4:05
resupply at an ABC store with the most magnificent facade display i've yet seen. fremont street has a weird open container law where you can walk around with drinks from any of the street-facing bars the casinos have, but according to a prominent sign in the ABC store, you're NOT allowed to walk around with open drinks in cans or bottles. to this end, they wrap your receipt around the outside of the plastic bag and then staple it closed at checkout.
4:10
weighed myself on the giant scale outside the infamous heart attack grill (over 350 lbs eat free). only about halfway to a free meal.
4:20
popped into the el cortez casino, common haunt of perhaps the most famous gambling influencer, vegas matt. mustassy was watching some of his videos for inspo before our cruise, i did a little research and found out he tends to gamble at the relatively-out-of-the-way el cortez because it's one of the few casinos that allows recording and livestreaming on premises. sure enough, vegas matt is enough of a degenerate that even though i came in at a completely random date and time, he's instantly recognizable at a slot machine with his recording setup and entourage. his eyes look as dead as they do in every picture of him online.
4:30
strolled by the downtown container park, part of zappos ex-ceo tony hsieh's downtown revitalization project. a "hsieh in downtown vegas" tour could be another in my "tycoons with tragic downfalls" series, though i'm not sure the infamous "airstream park" where he lived for several years doing tons of ketamine and whippets exists anymore. the container park is mostly outdoors, and understandably abandoned because it is so hot
4:40
i see on google maps that the "old mormon fort" from fallout new vegas is a real place too, but it's way too hot for me to consider walking the 2 blocks or so to get there. from baking in the heat all day my lips are cracked like the dried mud in a riverbed. i need to get out of here.
5:30
back at the hotel for a writing break.
7:30
what will i be doing tonight? i'm running it back, going to the arcade again
10:00
only like three other people in the whole arcade even though it's saturday night, i can actually hear the pop'n cab, no distractions today, real grindset hours.
10:30
finding some bangers in itg
11:00
finishing off with a long nonstop stepmaniax set
12:00
i know how long it takes to get back to the bus stop now so i leave a little later.
12:30
bus is 20 minutes late and a mumbling smoker sits down next to me at the bus stop. why do i put myself through this? i regret everything, i should not have stayed the extra couple days.
1:00
mcdonald's again in the hotel room, i feel disgusting
11:00
after i check out, i decide go up the tower, there's a big discount for hotel guests, it's only $10. they don't even check anything to make sure i'm a guest, though the bill comes out to $15 due to a $5 "convenience fee".
11:30
the tower has an extensive queueing area like for a popular attraction, but i'm basically the only one there. i wonder if it's always like this
12:00
the top of the tower is quite pleasant, they have a lot of nice couches and it's pretty quiet because there aren't a lot of people around.
12:15
i go up to the outdoor observation desk, where they have this peculiar rolling railing to keep people from climbing over. usually that's not something you have to worry about this far up, but i guess vegas attracts many daredevil BASE jumpers and the like.
12:30
the view of the strip isn't great, the megaresort hotel towers are just so tall that they block each other from view, the observation tower is a lot taller than all of them but would need to be taller still for a spanning view. at the very least they had the good sense to build the sphere somewhere without any other buildings to obscure it. the tall buildings aren't tall out of any genuine need for high density, there are many deep holes in the urban fabric where a tall tower is directly adjacent to an empty lot or vast parking lot.
12:45
the "downtown" las vegas skyline is dwarfed by the strip, quite pathetic for a city of its size. las vegas has a very unusual skyline, its tallest buildings are arranged in a narrow line forming the strip, and not a single one of them is any sort of office building, they are all either hotel or condo towers.
1:00
development seems to have spread across all the available flat land in the valley, running right up to the desert mountains that ring the vegas area
1:15
they have an attraction called the "sky drop", where they strap you into a harness and then you jump off the tower, falling along a guide cable all the way back down to ground level. the thought of it alone is so scary that i can barely even watch the staff members making preparations for it on the exterior platform, and i leave before having to see anybody jump off.
1:20
this is where i post from btw.
it's nice and quiet, the seating is comfortable, and i have a couple hours to kill before check-in at my next hotel, so i do some work up in the tower
3:30
taking the monorail to the hotel for my final night. i've been looking forward to riding the monorail this whole time, and now i have an excuse to ride it from end to end.
3:45
unfortunately the monorail fucking sucked, i am Loathing in Las Vegas, due to technical difficulties it was 15 min late and then ended up stuck with doors closed at one of the stations for another 10 minutes, during which i thought i was going to melt in a packed tin can car with negligible air conditioning. i just want it to be over and i'm glad to finally get off.
4:00
i arrive for check-in at my hotel, luxor. yes, this is what it's all about, the giant PYRAMID, this is the foolish reason i decided to stay an extra couple days. even though luxor is considered a budget hotel now, during the weekend the price still spikes to unconscionable levels, but if you can wait it out until sunday night you can score a premium pyramid room for $70.
4:15
to get up the pyramid, luxor uses special elevators that go up at a 39 degree angle called "inclinators", on the way down you can really feel the sideways movement. they're cool, though a little a slow. the inclinators let them keep the center of the pyramid empty and enclose the world's largest atrium by volume.
4:30
ah, it's all worth it, the window in my room is angled beautifully, forming a side of the pyramid. my room faces the airport, a great view if you're an aviation geek, you can watch the planes taking off and landing.
4:45
this is where i post from btw. i feel like a ceo in a swanky office, or perhaps a villain in a lair.
6:00
i stop by shake shack at new york new york, fitting location. although vegas is well-known as a culinary destination and has a lot of michelin-level restaurants by luminaries like robuchon, the reason i'm opting for fast-food chains is because i'm trying to play it safe, to get a guaranteed good experience at a world-renowed gourmet restaurant with a tasting menu and all would require spending three dollar signs when i'm only willing to go up to two this trip. the two dollar sign range is a dangerous place to dine in, there's a high risk of ending up in one of those overpriced "fancy" steakhouses or the like fleecing tourists with mid food at high prices. instead, i'm opting for the one dollar sign safe option, plus shake shack is running a promotion where they give out free chicken shacks on sundays.
6:15
shake shack has fallen for the dubai chocolate meme. also, it's the only place i've ever seen with ginger ale at the soda fountain
6:30
well, i see why they're giving out chicken shacks for free now
6:45
i guess there's no sports running this time of year so every tv kept permanently tuned to espn is showing sports documentaries that are all vintage game footage and interviews with aged athletes
7:00
wander into a couple more casinos, park mgm and aria. i have to admit there's something weirdly enthralling about the super bright high dpi vertical curved screens they use for modern slot machines, they have probably been designed to be curved at the most addictive angle. but i have also read that casino revenue on the strip is falling because younger generations aren't into slots so much... i think i have the solution: anime-themed slots with gacha mechanics. i mean, horse racing of all things just made a huge comeback because they made it Anime. hire me, Aristocrat Gaming Pty. Ltd.
7:30
so bored of the luxury resort casinos now, i wish i was Leaving Las Vegas
7:35
i haven't actually seen that movie, i looked up a synopsis and that's not at all what's going on now
7:45
abc stores resupply
11:15
i could spend the rest of the evening chilling in my hotel room, but i HAVE to get the most out of my vacations, so i'm back on the bus on an expedition to see some of the lights at night i've missed. the luxor has a bright white beam that shoots out of the peak of the pyramid, supposedly one of the strongest lights in the world. i have to imagine it's what inspired the minecraft beacon, surely it's not a coincidence that the beacon was added to the game less than a year after minecon 2011 held in vegas at the mandalay bay, directly adjacent to luxor...
11:30
the traffic on las vegas boulevard is horrendous, the streets are surprisingly popping for a sunday night. las vegas is the city that never stops partying. it's not even funny how much even a single decent rail line (metro or tram) down las vegas boulevard could improve things, instead there's only the silly novelty monorail. what the hell is clark county spending all of their tax revenue from the casino resorts on?
12:00
oh yes, i have returned to the observation tower at the strat. apparently the ticket is good all day, so to maximize my value i'm here again to see the nighttime lights. if anything it's more abandoned than during the day, though there is a group of rowdy italian tourists livening things up. there's no way this place makes money...
12:15
the lights in the distance shimmer slightly, i think it must be heat distortion
12:30
despite the light pollution, the beacon from luxor is still dimly visible if you know where to look. its exterior display finally unimpeded by competition from the sun, the sphere looks magnificent.
1:00
i stop by the fremont street experience again to see their hourly light show. all they do is play like 2 katy perry songs over the speakers while a music video plays on the ceiling display, not really worth. at least the gaudy vintage fremont street casino lights are finally on, those are pretty neat.
1:10

the classy casinos prefer the euphemism "gaming", but binion's on fremont tells it like it is
1:45
finally back at the hotel. i really didn't think it would be that time-consuming to get from luxor to fremont using the bus, but it turned into quite an expedition
10:15
checking out nice and early, now time to take the "let's see if i can get to the airport without uber" challenge. it's bizarre to me that not only is there no convenient public transit from the strip to the airport, none of the resorts seem to offer airport shuttles either.
11:20
i get pretty lucky with bus timings and make it to the airport with plenty of time to spare
11:30
they have a special "innovation" tsa checkpoint showcasing the latest security screening technologies, all of which i've already seen deployed in other airports. at least this time i'm able keep both my shoes on and my laptop in my bag, it did turn out to be one of the smoothest tsa experiences of my life.
1:00
we finally take off after spending what feels like forever on the tarmac, this damn city doesn't want to let me go.
THE FINAL VERDICT
i'm sure absolutely nobody is surprised to hear this, but vegas isn't that great if you're there alone and don't want to spend any money. if you're just there to flaneur like me and soak in the vibes then no more than a weekend is plenty, it gets old after longer, i definitely regret extending my trip even if it meant i got to stay in the pyramid. also, absolutely DO NOT attempt to visit during the summer, i think the temperature never dipped below 100 degrees during the day while i was there, the peaks were usually around 108 or 110, it was miserable going outside. however, i would still be willing to return to vegas on a trip with my friends under the following conditions:
  • trip no longer than 3 days
  • staying in the pyramid
  • trip during the week when lodging is cheap
  • NOT during summer
  • all alcoholic beverages purchased at abc stores
  • must make at least one visit to the arcade with pop'n.
or, i would go back if a consortium of deep-pocketed investors decides to move forward with developing my japan-themed casino idea (interim cheesy name: "Banzai! Resort")
i've always wanted to do a blog like this, but perhaps it was a bit excessive...