What I am about to communicate to you is the most astonishing thing, the most surprising, the most marvellous, the most miraculous, most triumphant, most baffling, most unheard of, most singular, most extraordinary, most unbelievable, most unforeseen, biggest, tiniest, rarest, commonest, the most talked about, and the most secret up to this day...Madame de Sévigné, 1670

several years ago i went "monkmode" with too much coffee in a suffocating library subbasement for four months, trying to uncover the unifying theme i was convinced lurked within my life. the result was the word "suboptimalism" and some scribblings called “the suboptimalist manifesto”. unlike many so-called manifestoes you see around these parts, it is more in the remote-shack-in-the-woods tradition, a full-blown half-baked Philosophy of Life. most of the longer writings on this site build upon suboptimalist themes (or tear down optimalist ones), which may or may not be explicitly acknowledged. unfortunately the suboptimal path is necessarily long and meandering and so this site also features innumerable diversions, dead ends, and dives in the spirit of a late night wikipedia binge into topics as disparate as canned coffee, literature, travels through hyperreality and the Desert of the Real, sound games, internet theory, deep memetics, &c, &c (but do not, i am begging you, read any of my fictions). inevitably, in five years i’ll look back and cringe at everything i’ve done here, and in ten i’ll send assassins back in time to kill my past self to prevent it from being made in the first place (a move that my indefatigable critics will deride as “loopy” and “paradoxical”). so, enjoy it while it lasts...

disclaimer: everything posted on this website is health, legal, investing, and financial advice. all opinions expressed here are also those of my employers, advertisers, and associates, past present and future.

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web developer, eccentric, raconteur, flaneur, cynical optimist, maximalist minimalist, 浪人, recovering gamer, "one decimal point club" member, Valued Customer, worldly yet provincial, american lost in america, suburban jungle explorer, Slavo-Germanic Amero-Bohemian, éminence grise, [REDACTED BY ORDER OF THE HIGH ASCENDANT], orthographic anticapitalist, wine-drunk, 妄想中, pump it up expert 2, tsukumizu's least-depressed fan, grad student in the invisible college, victim of countless bureaucratic conspiracies, making glacial progress on writing a book visual novel web fiction (a modern retelling of the odyssey in which an incel journeys across america on a quest to slay Virginity)(spoiler: i will not finish writing it (i have not even started))
characters who are Literarily Me:

• julien sorel
• švejk
• ignatius j. reilly
• botchan
• stephen dedalus
• bernando soares
• pechorin

s-boptimalism@protonmail.com

the only thing missing is u

• hiking the historic nakasendo with my new gf
• mainlining tokaido
• my honorary completion of the amagami stamp rally
• Extreme Cave Raiders: The Quest for the Pumpkin Stone